Remembering

This past week I was a little bothered by all the 9/11 coverage. I'm not entirely sure why - maybe it seemed a bit opportunistic by the media to take advantage of it for an entire week? Or maybe I was lacking the perspective of many Americans.

Then, yesterday, I was listening to a radio interview with the widow of an assistant fire chief in NYC who was killed leading a rescue mission into the WTC. Suddenly the magnitude of the events of that day came flooding back - the shock as we realized what was happening, wondering if the attacks would move west, the grim face of a colleague whose brother worked in the WTC rushing out of work, the moving call from a colleague in Germany who needed to tell me that he and others were thinking of Americans, of Emily telling me a tank drove down her street on Capitol Hill, and after seeing images of people jumping from the buildings, finally turning off the TV and crying.

I realized that I am not less moved by the events and memories than others. I do, though, feel anxious that ten years have passed and the unity we observed in the fall of 2001 seems gone, the hope for change has not clearly led to change. Most of us civilians will never know what threats have been thwarted and if we are safer today. I do know that our politics are profoundly divided, leadership seems missing, two wars rage (just or not), and the future is uncertain and appears alarming in terms of economics, education, and the environment.

I suppose my ambivalence of the past week stems from not wanting to acknowledge what has not changed. But, I ought to recognize my mixed emotions as an opportunity to examine my own actions and still take the time to grieve and remember those who died.