A fish, a mouse and a butterfly go trick or treating

We hit up Cole Valley again this year and it was quite a scene! They close the street and decorate the houses like crazy - music, lights, scary movies, themes, and this year, house with dancing animals in their windows. The kids loved it! But it was super crowded so we decided that next year we'll bail early on work. Nevertheless, we all had fun.

We met up for a quick dinner before heading out. Luckily it wasn't crowded because these three ran around in circles most of the time.

Practicing their extra candy please faces.

Ready!

En route.

I can't get over how cute these two are.

Watching the dancing frog in the windows.

Gotta show off the back of that costume.

We got the costume idea here. And I have to honest - Steve did most of the work of making it! He was totally the man behind the glue gun. Let me count the ways he rocks!

Happy Halloween!

From Grace and her new best friend, Jack.

He's not very scary because when Steve asked what she wanted the face to look like, she said "happy." So it is quite fitting for a happy Halloween. And yes, that is last year's Halloween costume. She was a ballerina all day Saturday. Because why not?

Selecting a pumpkin was serious business. I think Grace "selected" about half a dozen more than we actually bought. She pushed her "weo-barro" along with determination (and no regard for ankles) tossing in the pumpkins she liked. She could even hoist some of the big ones.

Eventually they agreed on one. Or, she picked it and dumped in the weo-baro before Steve could suggest any further comparisons.

Trick or treat!

Fall spirit

Bonus here is that Grace is currently wild about scarecrows.

Pop time

Pop came for a quick visit last week! I had to go to Boston for a meeting Friday (very short trip - I was there fewer than 36 hours), so he came to help with Grace while I was away and visit for a few days. He and Grace had a great time and he even accompanied her for a class field trip to the pumpkin patch.

After I returned on Saturday we headed to the zoo. You can't tell, though, because the only pictures I got were at the zoo playground.

We had a yummy burrito fest and watched the Huskies lose. We did teach Grace to cheer, but it came out more like "Go Huck-sies." Oh well, she's on the right track.

Sunday we headed over the bridge for a hike up to Slacker Hill (Steve was on call and couldn't join us, unfortunately). It was warm but a really nice hike - great views on the way up and excellent views from the top. It also passes through a raptor study area so we saw some large birds. We had a picnic at the top and checked out the view.

And now for the scenery shots... a bit smoggy, but still awesome.

Northeast toward the north bay and Angel Island.

Southeast to the city.

West to Rodeo beach and the Pacific.

Grace napped a bit in the backpack on the way down (in fact, she asked us to be quiet so she could sleep. I quote "Stop talking! I'm trying to sleep!"). She got just enough sleep to be full of energy when we got back to the car. Since it was so warm and beautiful, we stopped at Crissy Field (not a particularly original idea). We hadn't been planning to go to the beach so were totally unprepared - no bathing suit, no towel, no sand toys. It didn't stop Grace. She had a blast running around and laying down at the water's edge to "swim" (getting covered in sand). I sure love a happy sandy beach baby.

Thanks for visiting, Pop!

While we're on the subject

See this piece from Motherlode (yes I'm still reading; haven't made up my mind about huffpo yet): http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/10/26/neglected-children-messy-houses-and-guilt/#more-27643 (sorry can't link because I'm blogging from the bus).

As for the second bullet, I'm decidedly part of the other 29% (and so is Steve). I think the emphasis on tidiness is a little weird and agree wholeheartedly that no study would ever ask that of men (though if it did, wouldn't that be progress?). Perhaps this is not much on my radar, however, because my rockstar husband keeps the apartment clean. He vacuums and sweeps whereas I wouldn't even notice it needed to be done, and he makes sure everything has a place to be kept or it doesn't get kept. Or maybe in less than 800 square feet you just can't have much mess. Either way, Steve, thanks for easing that source of guilt/judgment to leave room for others! For the record, I think my third is not engaging enough in civic life and working for/giving to the causes that matter to me.

Working* mom’s journal, part 2: lessons learned (often the hard way)

Most days, it’s a race – to get ready, to get to the bus, to get to the next bus from school to my office, to make the bus home, and then to get dinner and to bed. But, I’ve learned a few things in the past year:

- Clothes out the night before. When you fail to do this, you will regret it.

- Lunches made and cereal poured the night before. Coffee maker ready, too.

- Take time to sit together at breakfast.

- Two year olds do not hurry. Plan accordingly.

- It is possible to carry a laptop and files, two lunches, a bedding bag (for Grace’s cot), and a squirmy two year old while wearing heels and still get to the bus on time.

- Sunglasses are your friend for days when you don’t get makeup on until you get to work. Too bad SF is so foggy.

- Put your keys in the same place every night.

- Keep the shopping list on your phone so a) you don’t have to write down the staples every week and b) you don’t forget it on the counter.

- Grocery shop on the night hubby has grand rounds and late teaching. It can be a special girls night that means fewer errands on the weekends.

- Costco is a great place to have dinner and shop on a weeknight – way less crowded.

- Singing nursery rhymes while sitting in traffic takes the edge off. How angry can you be when you’re singing “5 little monkeys swinging in a tree, teasing mr. alligator, can’t catch me!”?

- Amazon and diapers.com bring the errands to you.

- Trader Joe is a great cook. And I refuse to feel guilty about pre-made food anymore. I cook, from scratch at least two or three nights a week, but the other nights, who cares?!

- Knowing the teachers see what you pack for lunch keeps it healthy.

- Flat irons are excellent; eyeliner really does make a difference and doesn’t take that long.

- Washing/drying your hair at night actually makes it look less crazy in the morning. I wish I didn’t have to re-learn this so often.

- Cute, stylish headbands give you an extra day before you have to wash your hair again.

- Blues Clues and Sesame Street are great for the mornings that hubby has early teaching and you want a shower.

- If you have childcare for work hours, you can go to doctor’s appointments by yourself, which means “alone time.”

- Having a shopping strip near the office for errands on the rare day you get a lunch break makes a big difference.

- Exercise is great if you have time. I don’t so I will not feel bad about it, but I will look for opportunities to take the stairs.

- A smart phone means you can be at work in the doctor's office waiting room and email about the preschool parent committee from a meeting.

- You can only feel guilty about so many things. Choose wisely.

- Make the rituals matter – dinner time, bed time, weekend traditions. And try your darndest to be present when you are.

- Some days your child will hurry you on to work at drop off and other days she will ask repeatedly for one more hug. You will not be able to predict what kind of day it is so say you’re leaving a minute or two before you need to leave.

- Drawing pictures or playing with blocks for a few minutes at dropoff is a good way to keep the rest of the day in perspective.

- Keep a phone charger at work.

Working* mom’s journal, part 1: reflections

My one year anniversary at work just passed and it has gotten me reflecting a bit on life as a mom who works full time outside the home. I was terrified when I started the job last year that our stress level would skyrocket and our weekends would just turn into chaos of getting everything done to prepare for the week rather than enjoying one another and doing new things and that I would become permanently grouchy and exhausted.

I’d say my worst fears have not been realized (given that I’m prone to catastrophizing, we ought not be terribly surprised that everything didn’t fall apart). I’m exhausted most of the time, but only grouchy some of the time. And staying at home full time or even part time (I’ve done both) can also make your grouchy, just for different reasons. Fortunately, I mostly like my job. The pace is relentless and t has challenges (and difficult people to be sure), but I am learning a lot and having successes and expanding my professional network. It’s also helping me clarify my long(er) term goals. The hardest times are when work is chaos and I have to work a lot at night and on the weekends because I do not want to work when Grace is awake during those times. This means less sleep and more stress, but she deserves the best I can give her in the time we’re together. Fortunately, my boss has kids and is supportive and flexible for days when I need to tweak my schedule, do doctor’s appointments, attend the parent advisory committee (oh yes, I couldn’t resist volunteering when no one else did). I do still live in fear of the sick day, especially sick days when I am scheduled to give a presentation or facilitate large groups. I still wish I worked part time, but it’s just not in the cards for this job, at least for the next 8 or so months (and after that our project should be done so I might be out of a job entirely).

The bright spot, other than the fact that I like working (and choose to do so for a lot of reasons), is that we love Grace’s school (and so does she). If I wasn’t working, we couldn’t afford for her to be there. The facility is less than two years old and has two great outside play areas and beautifully sunny classrooms (including a view of the ocean, Marin headlands and the GG bridge). The teacher-student ratio is good and the teachers are so nurturing. They seem to really like their jobs. The other kids come from a variety of backgrounds and many are bilingual. (it makes me so anxious that Grace is not!). The parents are involved and attentive (I get such a kick out of how all the kids know each others’ parents; I have been greeted with a “Hi, Grace’s mom” more than once in the halls). One of the other parents even went to my high school (granted it was ten years before me). – a discovery we made via Grace’s Village Books t-shirt. It’s also a nice community of families where both parents work full time or almost full time. Honestly, we don’t know many families our age like this so sometimes I think I’m the only mom making this choice, which really makes me second guess myself, so it’s great reinforcement that we’re not the only ones. Grace gets to do all kinds of fun activities (painting with vegetables? not going to happen at home) and there are way more toys at school than we’ll ever have at home. She really enjoys the other kids. And peer pressure has her working on potty training! Plus, she is thrilled to take the bus and knows all the drivers and we’ve made friends with some of the other riders, including the dog that works at the hospital nearby. Despite my ambivalence about working full time, the occasionally overwhelming guilt and the fact that I miss Grace when I’m at work, we are really happy with the preschool situation.

Back tomorrow with some things I’ve learned in the past year.

* Yes, all parents are “working parents” (assuming they are present and involved), but I’m using the term here to mean parents who work outside the home because otherwise the title for this post was just too clunky.

Girlfriends

Grace and Lizzie having some takeout from the famous San Tung (we finally made it there and it really was as good as the reviews). They are finally both old enough that they spend time playing (and giggling and shrieking) together rather than just fighting over toys. I love to see them running around wild little monkeys together.

Grace and her school friend Lula. This was a rather exciting playdate because it was the first time we got together with a friend she made entirely on her own where we didn't know one of the parents. These two were fast friends when Grace started her new school over the summer. They are no longer in the same class but run toward one another like it's been years whenever they see each other in the halls. Once I told her we were going to meet Lula at the playground, she talked about how Lula is her friend all morning and went down for her nap with no complaints. They were both so excited - it was incredibly sweet to see. And fortunately, Lula's mom is very cool so I was happy to spend a sunny hour chatting with her and cooing at Lula's baby sister.

A weekend walk

With the weather so warm, we decided to give the hike through Tennessee Valley to the beach another try (our last trip was fogged out and we were soaked less than halfway in). I'm beginning to think the sky never clears there, but it was warm enough and quite pretty.

There's a horse stable at the trailhead, and there was some kind of riding competition when we arrived so Grace had fun watching the horses jumping. Then, there's another farm partway out with more horses, so she was pretty excited. The trail is mostly flat and not too long so this may become a spot for taking any and all visitors. You've been warned...

We had a quick, but windy, picnic before heading down to the beach.

We threw a lot of rocks into the lagoon (and Dad, I got a few to skip - more than once!).

Wind up.

Throw!

Admire.

Then we crossed the creek back to the trail. Grace may or may not have ended up with wet feet.