My one year anniversary at work just passed and it has gotten me reflecting a bit on life as a mom who works full time outside the home. I was terrified when I started the job last year that our stress level would skyrocket and our weekends would just turn into chaos of getting everything done to prepare for the week rather than enjoying one another and doing new things and that I would become permanently grouchy and exhausted.
I’d say my worst fears have not been realized (given that I’m prone to catastrophizing, we ought not be terribly surprised that everything didn’t fall apart). I’m exhausted most of the time, but only grouchy some of the time. And staying at home full time or even part time (I’ve done both) can also make your grouchy, just for different reasons. Fortunately, I mostly like my job. The pace is relentless and t has challenges (and difficult people to be sure), but I am learning a lot and having successes and expanding my professional network. It’s also helping me clarify my long(er) term goals. The hardest times are when work is chaos and I have to work a lot at night and on the weekends because I do not want to work when Grace is awake during those times. This means less sleep and more stress, but she deserves the best I can give her in the time we’re together. Fortunately, my boss has kids and is supportive and flexible for days when I need to tweak my schedule, do doctor’s appointments, attend the parent advisory committee (oh yes, I couldn’t resist volunteering when no one else did). I do still live in fear of the sick day, especially sick days when I am scheduled to give a presentation or facilitate large groups. I still wish I worked part time, but it’s just not in the cards for this job, at least for the next 8 or so months (and after that our project should be done so I might be out of a job entirely).
The bright spot, other than the fact that I like working (and choose to do so for a lot of reasons), is that we love Grace’s school (and so does she). If I wasn’t working, we couldn’t afford for her to be there. The facility is less than two years old and has two great outside play areas and beautifully sunny classrooms (including a view of the ocean, Marin headlands and the GG bridge). The teacher-student ratio is good and the teachers are so nurturing. They seem to really like their jobs. The other kids come from a variety of backgrounds and many are bilingual. (it makes me so anxious that Grace is not!). The parents are involved and attentive (I get such a kick out of how all the kids know each others’ parents; I have been greeted with a “Hi, Grace’s mom” more than once in the halls). One of the other parents even went to my high school (granted it was ten years before me). – a discovery we made via Grace’s Village Books t-shirt. It’s also a nice community of families where both parents work full time or almost full time. Honestly, we don’t know many families our age like this so sometimes I think I’m the only mom making this choice, which really makes me second guess myself, so it’s great reinforcement that we’re not the only ones. Grace gets to do all kinds of fun activities (painting with vegetables? not going to happen at home) and there are way more toys at school than we’ll ever have at home. She really enjoys the other kids. And peer pressure has her working on potty training! Plus, she is thrilled to take the bus and knows all the drivers and we’ve made friends with some of the other riders, including the dog that works at the hospital nearby. Despite my ambivalence about working full time, the occasionally overwhelming guilt and the fact that I miss Grace when I’m at work, we are really happy with the preschool situation.
Back tomorrow with some things I’ve learned in the past year.
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