Signing off from San Francisco, part 1

My heart catches in my throat just to write that title.

I think this will be my last post from San Francisco.  We have to pack up the modem and router today or tomorrow so I won't be able to blog unless I do it from my phone, which is not really my favorite.  I've had a lot swirling in my head these past weeks about leaving California and have meant to write about it.  I've also wanted to post pictures of our final days' adventures and an update on the kids.  Unfortunately for anyone who thinks posts should be cohesive in theme, that's not going to happen.  I also haven't been taking many pictures and don't have quick access to them.  Since I need to snatch the moments I have, I'm going to write this as fast as I can before the laundry timer goes off or Henry (asleep in the ergo) wakes.  So here goes - from here to there and in between. [Ed:  this post got too long so I'm breaking it into two.]

We always thought San Francisco would be the perfect place for us (great vibe, urban, diverse, progressive, access to the outdoors, in between in our parents, near extended family and old friends, west coast) so we moved here three years ago with eager hearts and every expectation to stay here for the long term if it worked out for Steve to get a job.  Admittedly it didn't immediately win our hearts.  The summer weather is really lousy.  The public transportation pales in comparison to our experiences in Boston and DC.  It is ungodly expensive.  Our experience has undoubtedly been influenced by the fact that we live in a part of the city that is exceptionally ill-served by public transport, has little within (reasonable with kids) walking distance, and has the foggiest weather in the city.  We basically have all the inconveniences of the city (cost, pita parking, most errands are inconvenient) with the drawbacks of the suburbs (have to drive everywhere, long commutes - despite the fact that we both work in the city, we both commute as long as suburb-dwelling colleagues).  

Over time, however, I have come around to appreciate it more than I did initially.  We live in the western half of the city, which is filled with families, local business, great parks and little neighborhood enclaves.  It's diverse and laid back.  While the city is kind of dirty and architecturally varied (and often downright ugly), it's natural backdrop is stunning.  I love that I could be cruising along and see the sparkling ocean or the GG bridge and Marin headlands or the city skyline and bay with Oakland, Berkeley, and Mt. Diablo in the background.  We can hike with amazing scenery right here in the city or just a short distance away.  I have come to have a love-hate relationship with San Francisco, but in the final weeks pre-move, it's tilting toward love.  

It's a gorgeous time of year here.  Sunny and clear (but oh so chilly!).  Yesterday, Grace, Henry and I went to Crissy Field to walk and ride bikes, and then sat in the shadow of the Golden Gate eating lollipops, nursing (and exploding a diaper, lest I make it sound too good to be true), playing in the sand and taking in the view of downtown, Alcatraz, the north bay, and Marin.  It was breathtaking.  

In some ways, we would really love to come back.  If Steve can get the right job here we say we would probably come back in a heartbeat (and just gripe about the fog forever).  But then, we look at real estate prices and wonder if it would be worth it.  And, who knows what will happen when he goes on the job market in two years anyway?  We don't even know what the options will be.

The short version:  I love and am simultaneously deeply ambivalent about San Francisco.  I am also so sad to be leaving California. The oceans, the redwoods, the mountains, the giant freeways, the sunshine, the produce, the mexican food, the energy.  It's my adopted home and I love it, flaws and thrills both.  I hope we return.  I think.  Another part of me wants to move to Seattle or Ann Arbor or Durham.  Or all three?

And the people.  We have started saying goodbyes.  Those hugs that mean I love you, dear friend, and I have no idea when I will see you again and I'm so happy we've been able to share our lives in person over the last few years are wonderful and heartbreaking.  So far, I've only said goodbye to people I've said goodbye to before so I know our friendships will last.  Will the new friendships withstand the time and distance?  I cannot stand the thought that I will say goodbye more than anything else these next two and a half weeks.  I am totally in denial that we have to say goodbye to our family as well.  

The other day, Grace asked if she could go to someone's birthday party.  I told her it would be after we move to Boston.  She said, "but we can come back to visit!"  Oh, baby girl, I think you do not yet understand distance.  Or the cost of plane tickets.  One of her friends recently moved house, and made a video to show her that "moving is a little scary but also fun."  She tells me this often, especially when I burst into tears.  

The other half of my brain is very excited to get back to Boston.  I love Boston.  I really, truly do.  I feel like it's the city where I became a grown up:  I got my masters, relaunched my career, and became a parent.  It's so livable.  The summers are hot.  I can walk endlessly.  I have a long list of things I'm looking forward to:  walks by the river, running errands with Henry in the stroller and Grace on her scooter with no parking hassles and no long carries up and down stairs from the car.  Reacquainting ourselves with the fabulous BPL.  Showing Grace the city of her birth and exploring it with her. (I have a long list of activities for our summer off together).  Taking the T and the tinny sound of announcer saying "Charles/MGH/Mass Eye and Ear Infirmary" as a sign we're close to home.  Visiting Aunt June's "country cottage".  Lingering outside on hot evenings.  Wobbling along brick and cobblestone streets.  Our old church.  JP Licks.  Reconnecting with so many friends.  It's going to be fabulous!  Sarah and John stopped by for a quick visit while in town recently, and it was such a good reminder that while we may have a lot of sad goodbyes ahead, we have a lot of happy hellos to follow shortly thereafter!

I also cannot wait to get out of the moving box chaos, half-packed squalor we've been living in.  Plus, it's always fun to unpack and get settled into a new home.  And, our new apartment will be almost half-again as large as our current place!  

So I guess that's my extremely lengthy moving dispatch. More about the kidlets to come.